Another Creepy Word Conversation, Brought to You by “Rub”


I had a conversation with somebody today that, as usual, ended up being creepy. It started with a coworker claiming that he wanted to set a goal of some sort, just so he could reach that goal and then earn a “backrub” from somebody (his shoulders were hurting). He then said:


D: There are some words that aren’t supposed to be put together as one word, but I just feel like they ought to be. So I do it anyway. “Backrub” is one example. “Hottub” is another.

Me: Yeah, “backrub” feels better than “back rub.”

D: Yeah, that space leaves a lot of time for second guessing. Backrubs ought to be approached with confidence.

Me: Yep. And the word “rub” is really creepy on its own. It’s like, “What are you doing over there, rub? Get back where I can keep an eye on you.”


Isn’t that just about the creepiest thing you can think of? Then, think about “rub” as a whispered word.

I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.



What I Learned About Mean Youtube Comments



It’s been a while since we last spoke. Since that time, I’ve learned a lot about mean Youtube comments.

But let’s go back a bit.

It all started when I was looking at the 100 most important cat pictures of all time.

I was, naturally, enjoying myself immensely. Some pictures made me chuckle, some made me guffaw. Not every single photo lived up to the “most important of all time” standard, but they were still all cat pictures, so I didn’t complain.

At #9, this photo showed up:



I scanned it, and moved on down to #8.

Then I stopped. I went back to #9, and looked at it again closely.

At first glance, the picture did not grab my attention, because a) the cat isn’t making a funny face, and b) actually that’s about it. My personal requirement for a cat picture to instantly captivate my attention is solely based on the cat’s facial expression. Looking at this photo again, I realized that it really is an amazing photo. How on Earth did they get a kitten to push a little shopping cart? How did they get an even smaller kitten inside the shopping cart? Where the hell did they find the little shopping cart? Still, since the photo didn’t meet my personal requirement for an entertaining cat picture, it’s now in the “not-exactly-my-cup-of-tea-but-still-pretty-good” pile.

Then I thought of it this way: What if I had taken this photo? What if, by some miracle, I was the one that had managed to set this up, or at least captured it (if this moment was going on by the wayside without any human supervision, that’s just something else entirely)?

If this was my photo, I would frame the shit out of it. I would brag about it to anyone who would listen. It would probably be my crowning achievement in life.

But, it’s not my photo. I had nothing to do with its creation. So, I scanned it, and moved on.

Of course, I did go back and analyze it for way too long. But this is definitely not the norm, even for me. Internet consumers are a critical and picky bunch, and they absorb information so quickly that they have no time to give any “product” much more thought than what their initial reactions tell them to.

Here’s where Youtube comes in.

A movie that I had a big part in released a trailer a couple weeks ago. I live and work in a community with a very humble film scene, and somehow we managed to pull off a feature-length (an hour-and-a-half long) movie with very very little money. We’ve worked hard for the last two years to make this movie a possibility, and releasing the trailer was an exciting day for us.

These are the kind of comments we were met with:

“Looks cool, but will probably suck”

“This science fiction movie always have nice trailer but just wait for the movie to come out is going to be damn terrible huhu~ “

“$20 says there’s some hidden hippie environmentalist “save the earth” subplot bullshit in here.”

“Why the hell they can’t make 1 good movie for aliens……”

“Wow I don’t care, it all looks the same now”

Of course, there are many others with jabs at the acting, premise, the inconsistencies of the alien details in the real universe (the nerdiest of nerds), but it was the majority of the negative comments that struck me.

The first thing that struck me was that so many of them were automatically assuming it was going to be a bad movie. And, they felt passionately enough about that that they left a comment for all to see. I definitely use my own judgement while watching movie trailers to decide if it will be worth seeing or not, but it was different for me when it was personal. Why couldn’t they just give it a chance?

Because, they have no personal connection to it, and they have no reason to care. No reason to reach for more beyond their initial reaction to the trailer.

The second thing that struck me was, they were all comparing this movie to other big-budget movies. We were lucky to get our trailer on Movieclips’ channel, so maybe that was why we were being compared to all the other Hollywood movies that come out every year.

Either that, or we actually fooled them into seeing past how little money we put into it, and made them see it as an actual movie.

When it comes down to it, I’m really happy with the trailer. I’m close to it, and proud of my part in both the making of the movie and the trailer. I know its strengths and weaknesses but, if nothing else, I’ll be proud of how much I was able to help make out of nothing for a long time. No Youtuber in any basement can understand how much we’ve accomplished here, so let them say whatever they will. This is someone’s cat-in-a-shopping-cart picture.

Here’s the trailer. Give feedback if you’d like, good or bad, but you probably won’t change my mind either way!



Little Blips from My Latest Drunk Night



I don’t drink much. But when I do, I take shots to get it over with quicker.

Even taking shots is difficult for me. Luckily, the other day I found a magical brand of cheap tequila that is surprisingly smooth, and…

This is what I remember.


Me: Margaritaaas!

C: Do you have salt for the rim?

Me: Damn right I do! Let’s get this dust off, and…

C: What are you doing?

Me: Looking for the instructions. Okay. It says we have to moisten the rim, and then dip it in.

C: Here’s a plate.

Me: What on Earth would I need a plate for? I just dip it in the container.

A few moments later…

Me: Mine looks like crap.

A few moments later…

Me: Wait, why am I putting salt on the rim? I hate salted rims.

C: You’re stupid.

Me: *sips* Oh, God, no. This is going to be the worst. *sips again*


D: You saw B’s latest short film, right?

Me: Yes! I love it!

D: Do you know what it’s about?

Me: No! He never tells me what his movies are about. As far as I can tell, it’s about an accordion.

D: It’s about abortion.

Me: *breaks down sobbing* Noooooooooooooooo.


S: Let’s have a toast!

Me: Yay!

S: What do we toast to?

Me: What?

S: It’s your turn.

Me: What?

S: It’s your turn to choose the toast.

Me: Laundry detergent that smells like islands.

S: Well, that was quick.

Me: I went to Walmart today.

S: To laundry detergent that smells like islands, then.

Me: What?


Me: Can I get you a drink?

K: Just Coke.

Me: Do you want anything else in that Coke?

K: No. I stopped drinking when I started smoking dope.

Me: *laughs*

K: *doesn’t laugh*

Me: But. You’re a sweet old man.

K: I drive better on dope than I do on alcohol.

Me: But. You’re like my grandpa.

K: By the way, if Chuck Norris turns down this gig then I get his part.

Me: Is he a grandpa now?!

K: Weird, huh?


Me: Okay, seriously, the Purge 2 could be pretty good. Because the original Purge was soooooooo awful. Like, Jodie Foster could have been in that movie and I would have been like “Hmmm this seems familiar.” But, I already said that, and it didn’t even have Jodie Foster in it. That’s how bad it was. It was just another home invasion movie, which we’re SO TIRED OF. The concept of a complete anarchist society was sooooo good. And they ruined it. Now they’re getting a second chance, in, like, the sequel. Did Ethan Hawke die? It doesn’t really matter, but I don’t really want him in the next movie. Maybe like Liv Tyler. Wait, I’ve seen that movie before, too.

M: Why are you taking your shirt off?

Me: You’re just ignorant.


And then this wonderful conversation that ended up actually being about me:

M: Yeah, she’s been stressing out a little bit. It’s not an easy script.

B: I bet. I’m sure she’s been getting pretty depressed about it.

M: Yeah, it’s even depressing me a little bit. She’s had to do all this research about all the shit going on with the world, it’s pretty heavy.

(enter me, stage right, wide eyed and out of breath)


M: Fuckk yeahhhhhhhh!

(all exit to go rap battle each other)


Wish you could have been there.

I wish I could have been there, too.

I don’t even rap.