Mentally Strong People are Stupid

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“Mental strength.” All the cool kids are doing it. At least, they’re all saying “mental strength.” A lot.

Out of curiosity, I went to Google Trends. This is what I found:

Mentally Strong People

Where are all these mentally strong people coming from? Is this why the world is so bad? How do we stop them?

In all seriousness, I’m getting pretty tired of these articles promising complete mental strength in 10-20 steps. Stop simplifying everything, Internet. Sure, these steps are difficult, and it could take a person’s entire life if not longer (O_O) to accept every list item as absolute truth and integrate them into their lifestyle, but… come on. Just stop. You’re a showoff. (Possibly even a zombie showoff.)

Based on the steps and the standards these popular articles have set, I’m not sure if I even want to be a mentally strong person. I ate 20 Hershey’s kisses for breakfast yesterday and it was awesome. Not only that, my mental weakness has, at times, saved my life.

Oh yes.

Such as:

That one time I dwelled on the past.

I dwelled on the past, specifically during the time when Napoleon Bonaparte invaded Russia and it turned out terribly. As a result, I decided not to invade Russia either. Best decision I’ve ever made.

That one time I tried to please people.

Here’s a metaphysical question for you. If someone wants to trade lunches with you, and you’ve got both a Twinkie and a Fruit Rollup, what kind of child does that make you when you give both treats up? Foolish? Selfless? How much would the other businesschild have to trade to make it a fair exchange? What if the businesschild is actually the school bully and spares your life in exchange for both treats? What if there is no direct threat to your life, but he has been giving your shoes a weird, calculating look and you don’t want to even know what that means? Most importantly, where are the teachers? These questions take a lifetime to answer, a lifetime consisting of many sugar-deprived lunches of deep consideration and a painful blog-writing session to revisit and clarify years later. But, I can say that perhaps my little life has been saved once or twice by trying to please other people.

That one time I thought about the high possibility of failure.

Sound advice, Internet. I should never think about that kind of frivolous thing in any type of decision-making situation. “There’s a high possibility I won’t be able to jump over this raging river, especially with my missing knee- ah shit, why am I thinking about that? I keep doing this to myself, how weak of me. There is no point wasting time acknowledging how little chance I have of clearing this mile-wide body of water with no kneecaps. YOLO.”

That one time I used the phrase “YOLO.”

What, it was funny. Irony saves lives.

That one time I refused help from others.

I once stayed in Rome by myself, at a strange little forest hostel about two or three miles from the beach. One day I decided I was going to walk to the beach myself, which would require about a mile of walking through remote forest alone. Every few minutes of walking, a car would slow down next to me (always with male drivers) and call out:

“Dove vai?”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaah!”

But I was actually more like,

“No thanks.”

About six cars offered to take me the rest of the way, insisted. But I refused their help.

The next day, there was a murder in Rome. I have a theory that at least one of those guys who offered me a ride was probably the killer.

Also, the beach was closed.

That one time I kept a closed mind.

Voldemort. Enough said. (Too much said.)

And of course…

That one time I threw in the towel.

Some messes need cleaning. The next person that finds that mysterious puddle of moisture isn’t going to be so lucky. This towel is the most absorbent thing in my eyesight at the moment. Plus, my time in the Italian mafia was unfortunate, and I think we can all agree it was time I quit.

And, there you have it. This article got stupider and stupider as I went on. But, you know what’s stupidest?

Mentally strong people.

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